When you hear about the "Trojan War," the first things that come to mind are usually that big wooden horse and the cartons of magnum-sized condoms my bros blow through daily like a serious set of crunches (YEA BOI). But did you know that it all began with some serious bro-loyalty? Everyone knows that Helen of Troy had the face that launched a thousand shits, but she also had some wank footwear- I mean she was FLIP-FLOPPING. Dudebro, after years of kicking it with her sugar-daddy, King Meneleus, she ups and leaves him for a serious boner, Paris. This shepherd-turned-judge, who never even slew a hoodrat before had the bricks in his pants to go after a married woman, not to mention the hottest broad in the ancient world. I mean we're talking about some serious swerve, just like Aphbrodite. So this slampiece gives our bro Meneleus the hard-goodbye, thinking she'd just go off and ride this sissy's Eiffel Tower back in T-Town. Sounds good right? Well guess the-fuck-what...???
BIG MISTAKE. Cause what's this? Aww sheeet, watch out Helen Keller of Troy cause here comes the BROmageddon in the shape of the baddest bromo sapien of all: Aga-fucking-memnon. Brother to Meneleus, this prince of bros and High King of Greece comes down like a god from Mt. Brolympus, swearing to his bro that he will not rest until he flushes this sissy-ass Paris down the drain like bad bro-itto. Chadbro sent messengers across the seas, collecting the illest fighters of the time: Achilles, Ajax, Brotroclus, Bromedes, you name it they were there, just to settle the score for his little bro. Agamemnon even sacrificed his own daughter, Iphigena, just to get the winds to blow toward Troy. Of course his wife didn't like that too much, but that's just how it goes: bros before hos. Agamemnon's flow was like amBROsia of the gods, picking the reins up on this operation and opening up a monumental can of whoop-ass on these trickers Trojans. Once the troops assembled and the ships set sail, the promise of bromance was nearly complete between baby bro and Aga-Hard-On. It was only a matter of time before the most epic brolection of ancient bros ever crushed the seven walls of Troy (with the help of Brodysseus of course, but thats a story for another post). In the end, Agamemnon's skank-ass wife jumped this king of bros in the bathtub for the ridiculous reason of avenging the murder of their daughter. Guess she just didn't understand the bro code. Although this Bropollo among men met an early death at the hands of a bitchy-whore, we take the time today to salute you Agamemnon for bailing your bro out of trouble like a true stud. An avid broponent and bromoter of bro rights, Agamemnon's assist sets him up as an exbrotentially brilliant bro. Congratulations Agamemnon for this great moment in bro-history. You are truly a lord among bros.
G.I. Bro out.
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